Braille is the dumbest language ever not read.

When I saw that the library had braille on the elevators, the first thing that occured to me was - what are blind people doing in a library? This made me think, and as my anger and frusteration increased, I came to the conclusion that even if blind people had a use for a library, having braille on an elevator is redundant because there are only two buttons - up and down. Instead of feeling twenty little metal beads, blind people just have to feel for a couple giant dots.

In Elevator braille, there should be two letters - up and down. Top giant dot, and bottom giant dot. Thinking further about how much people like Hellen Keller piss me off, I got an idea to get back at all the disgruntled handicapped folk who petitioned the government to use my money and put braille everywhere.

So to vent my grustration, I went to the elevator and edited the dots.

Hellen Kellar is the most overrated huma in history. She learned to communicate with other humans. So what? I could do that when I was 4. I probably had better communication skills in kindergarden than she had at age 50. In fact, I bet I am faster, more athletically adept, and better at distinguishing colors than ANY blind person. Why aren't I famous? Why don't I have plays made out of my life? Why aren't I a fucking hero?

A class required me to see the play "Hellen Keller." It was hilarious, I couldn't stop laughing. About half way through I realized it wasn't a comedy because nobody else was laughing. To me, comedy doesn't get much better than watching a nanny cheap shot a blind, deaf, and mute girl. Unfortunately, later in the play, Helen and the nanny became friends. That ticked me off. Any time ruthless archenemies start playing grab-ass, it's nap time. The play could have been much better. If I wrote the script, it would go like this:

Hellen Killer
Scene 1

Mother: (hires Angry Demon of Death Nanny to take care of Hellen)

Angry Demon of Death Nanny: Hellen, what is the integral of e^(cos x)?

Hellen: (grabs cup and throws it on the ground) Waah, boohoo.

Angry Demon of Death Nanny: No. (*SLAP*, *SLAP*, *SLAP*, *SLAP*, *SLAP*, *SLA..)

Mother: (runs in screaming) What are you doing to my baby?

Angry Demon of Death Nanny: Well ma'am, it turns out that your baby is a whining bitch. (kicks mother in the face and jackhammers Hellen in the teeth)

Angry Demon of Death Nanny: (drinks fifty bottles of grain alcohol, walks out into the audience and stabs people until the theatre clears out)

The End.

Last updated November 24th, 2003