Money rules.
I don't understand how people can not be materialistic. I love getting new stuff. Transportation, nice clothing, entertainment, girlfriends - they all cost a lot of money. Money is power, freedom, and fun - all stuck in a little piece of paper. If "money doesn't matter," what does?
I'm pretty sure that money buys love. It's not so much that money will straight up buy it, but the girl that will grow to love you was initially attracted to your money. Essentially, money buys opportunities to find love, which is just as good. Money guys everything. God dammit.
Girls claim that they don't care about money when finding a guy. They say they care more about his personality, wit, and looks than their wallet. Bullshit, horseshit, and dogshit all thrown into a blender. Girls pretend to like the "poor genius from the streets" type. They flirt with them at parties and make poor people feel like they have a chance (they don't) so that everyone around thinks the girl is deep. Later, when nobody is looking, she goes home and fucks the guy who wears Abercrombie and drives a Lexus. Will they fall in love? Maybe, maybe not, but if it weren't for the guy's money, he'd never have had a chance to find out.
Everyone hears about rich men commiting suicide and they use it as leverage for their "money doesn't buy happiness" argument. First of all, more poor people kill themselves than rich people, but you only hear about the wealthy ones. Second, a rich guy's motives for suicide are completely arbitrary to his wealth. Associating a man's wealth with his tendency to kill himself is like saying... something really stupid. Thirdly, if a rich guy kills himself because of his money, it's for better. They commit suicide because they are rich and have achieved their goals. They have no reason to live anymore and want to die while content and happy.
I wish I were rich. That would rule. Money rocks. I'll do/eat anything for cash. I'm definitely the greediest person I know. One time my friend's sister offered me $20 to eat an entire jar of mayonaisse. I did it (of course). It was gross, but once said and done, I had twenty bucks in my pocket. Yeah! 1/5th of a hundred dollars! YEAH! That's like... a pair of Tommy Hilfiger socks!
Wearing expensive clothing feels good. Losers throw on rags and say, "I hate people who spend $60 on a shirt!" Obviously these morons have no self respect. Anyone who has blown an entire paycheck on one outfit knows that you are worth more as a person when you wear expensive clothing. People will respect you more, you will respect you more, and it will triple your confidence. Try it sometime - steal your dad's $500 suit and strut around town like the arrogant asshole that you are.
Need friends? Don't worry about being a decent human being, buy everyone food and they will all be your friends whenever you want! Just remember, once you get rich, you never get ditched. Money is great. If you don't like it, give it to me.
Last updated May 28th, 2004