My psychiatrist is a hypocritical mass of bitch.

I've been seeing a shrink every week for the past two years and I'm confident she knows nothing. Not only is she a hypocrite, but she looks like a hippo and she should be locked in a crate. A hippo-crate. The lady gets paid hundreds of dollars to look like a slug and write prescriptions for Ritalin. She's so dumb. The only psychology term she knows is ADD. The cuntrag sits in her recliner scratching her tits for an hour ignoring everything I say, then tells me I have ADD. There's nothing more ironic than being diagnosed with ADD by a therapist who didn't pay attention to a word I said. Most people get addicted to Ritalin. My shrink is addicted to giving out Ritalin. This is what her business card looks like:

A kid told her he hates his dad. She called it ADD. Another guy apparently had ADD because he killed his dog. Were you raped? It's because ADD! Do you have a panty fetish? Have some Ritalin! ADD this, ADD that, she ADDs more than my calculator in fifth grade.

In fifth grade, I used to sit in class with my calculator and press 1 + 1 enter, enter, enter... Every time I pressed enter, the number displayed would increase by one. I'd see how big of a number I could get at the end of the day. My record was 13,105. On certain days when I was really on a roll, I'd ditch my friends and sit in the math room pecking the keypad all lunch period. Naw, I'm just kidding. My friends did it with me. Naw, I'm just kidding. I didn't have friends. But if I did, I'm sure they'd totally sit down and do it with me. That's the problem nowadays, nobody has any cool hobbies.

Back to Ritalin Woman. She's like the super hero representative for ADD. "I'm Ritalin! I save people from... hey, you! Pay attention!"

Everything my shrink tells me is crap. None of it makes any sense. I asked her what manic depression is. She said, "You mean maniac depression?" I swear she's the dumbest lady on the planet. She thinks a nervous breakdown involves a car. She thinks bi-polar is a bear that fucks both genders. Once she diagnosed a strep throat patient of having a depressed tongue. I'd bet her a hundred dollars she doesn't know what a compulsive gambler is. The lady has no clue. All she can do is accuse me of some stupid mental disorder that I don't ev

Last updated February 4th, 2005