Yoga blows ass.
The goal of yoga is to connect your mind and body with your spirit and ultimately attain nirvana - a state of oneness with the universe. This the biggest crock that I've ever heard, not so much that I disbelieve in enlightenment, but because I refuse to think that such a thing would be acquired through contorting my body around like a gumby doll.
Yoga is getting big in America because we love stealing ideas from foreign cultures. If Yoga were native to the United States and being lazy was an ancient Eastern philosophy, everybody would run around insulting yogis while bragging about how lethargic they are. Nobody has any sense of what's actually cool anymore.
The whole idea of yoga is actually fake. It is nothing more than the game "Twister" without a mat.
I automatically hate everything new and unfamiliar. I never allow myself to develop an educated opinion about anything before I judge it and let myself get worked up over my own ignorance. For example, I went to my friend's house and she had all kinds of books on wicca. The fact that she was into something that I knew nothing about pissed me off, and I never talked to her again for it. That's just how I am - stubborn. I judge everything and everyone by first glance and I probably wouldn't care too much if my friends died. Anyway...
With yoga, I decided to try something different. I was going to give it a full, open minded attempt to see its potential physical and mental value on my health. Before having any judgements, I went to a yoga class. This happened a while ago and I don't recall any of the things we did. All I remember is that the stretches and positions made me fart more than ever before.
It was ironic because one of the main goals of yoga is to teach people how to breathe, as I learned. However, after ten minutes of persistent flatulence, nobody in the entire class could take a single breath. I felt like an asshole until I was overwhelmed with enlightenment about the true teachings that were being presented to me.
That was sure a relief. It was my first time with yoga and I was by far the best one there. It all made sense. Now whenever I have indigestion or stomach problems, I just pull out my yoga instructional video and let it rip. I don't think there's any activity that induces farting as much as yoga. As I previously stated, yoga blows ass.
I used to fart during sex. It was embarrassing. But now, thanks to yoga, I no longer have to worry about this happening because I stretch for ten or twenty minutes before every date I go on. I recommend it to anyone, but only to avoid troublesome farts. If you try yoga, do it for the chicks or the gas relief. If you do it to see God or find Buddha, you are missing the point.
Last updated January 22nd, 2004